Equinox blues

It's been too long since I was in my mountain fastness. I was meant to be there now, but time and the in-tray have defeated me. Hallowe'en will happen without the customary batch of Dracula tat gathered up in armfuls from the gates of Bran Castle. It's the only time I show any interest in the toothsome Count and his doings – mugs, T-shirts, wine, trinkets and curios of reasonable quality (wine is actually terrific, even with the kitsch labels) and attractively priced, as the estate agent would say. Cheap, I'd say.

I stil have one packet of chemicals acquired in July and not yet given away. I will take it to darkest Wales next week as a naff contribution to the fabulous Samhain celebrations being planned by chums. The packet is called 'Lets dip Dracula' and is a vile concoction of unhealth* to be mixed in with sour cream for a pink pretence of something bloody, I presume.

*Ingredients: sugar, salt (16%), tomato juice, MSG, vegetable fat, chilli, seasoning, sweet pepper, onion, garlic, pepper, cumin, oregano, parsley, coriander. Oh, and 'amidon modificat' which translates as some kind of E number. There's lots of that - only slightly more than the vast amount of MSG. NB that the actual food (herbs, veg, spices) come at the bottom of the list, which means there are only trace elements of each.

It's disgusting - I tried a crispful of the stuff at someone else's party (my friends are so lucky) and it was sweet and salty with a light chemical tang. Ultra yum.